Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
