went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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