that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
