there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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