Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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