this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
