In the future we'll all be gay
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize