She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
