I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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