I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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