Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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