I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
