he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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