just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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