Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
