and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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