Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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