Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
