I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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