What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
