so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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