i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
