my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
