Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
