I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
