Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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