A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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