I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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