I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I will be naked everywhere
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
