I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
