In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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