peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
