thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I look better un-naked...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
