She's JV to your varsity
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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