shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
