sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
