there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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