The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
