is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
