I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
