If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
