The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
