I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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