I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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