My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize