You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize