He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
