she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
