We're like a lot better than the average bears
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
