So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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