I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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