thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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