If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
