my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Randomize
