wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
