I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you win again, gameday.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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