my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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