everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
