He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
