All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
