someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize