Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Randomize
