Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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